The end of a relationship is rarely an easy thing to handle. But whatever the case, there are times when we really need to face the facts and make the big change.
The signs that a relationship is over are normally pretty obvious. But when you’re in the hot seat, it can be hard to face facts. And even harder to say those magic words, ‘It’s over’.
In many instances, relationship counselling can help to salvage what might appear to be a lost cause.
But sometimes, there are factors that might make it seem like there is no point trying to save a relationship.
So whether it really is not you, but her… Or perhaps you just know deep down that your relationship has hit rock bottom, these signs really tell you that it’s time to move on.
1. Little or no sex/intimacy
When you first got together it was three times a day, right? You couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and you would have fabulously steamy sessions as often as possible. You may have even kept things spicy with an outdoor remote controlled vibrator like the Lush 3.
Well, you’ll need to look in your diary, but you’re pretty sure you haven’t had sex this month. Maybe even last month?
When the spark goes, it can be hard to admit it, but that’s pretty much your relationship done. And that goes double if you barely ever even kiss or cuddle either.
What point is there in a relationship if you can’t enjoy each other’s intimate company?
OK – in some relationships both parties can be happy with a no-sex arrangement. But if you, or maybe the other party, still craves intimacy and talking it out hasn’t improved the situation, it might be time to call it quits.
2. You argue (more than usual)
Some relationships can be more fiery than others. Yes, arguments happen, and tempers can flare. Even in the early days.
But if you find that bad tempered encounters happen more often than they used to, it might be time to look at your relationship.
This goes for double if it’s the same old same old arguments.
Life is too short to be angry at each other all the time. If you regularly have shouting matches, or one of you is often so pissed off at the other, look at the bigger picture of your relationship. It might be time to move on.
3. Your lives are almost entirely separate
If you’re like ships passing in the night, it can be very hard to make a relationship work. OK yes, we all have jobs and social lives to tend to. But if you rarely see your other half except to say good night and good morning (sometimes), this is a red flag already.
It might be that one of you is working hard, or that the other has a social life that isn’t compatible with your relationship.
Saving this type of relationship can be difficult, and often requires a complete lifestyle change from at least one party.
But if it looks like you can’t ever seem to see each other, then it is usually a sign that your relationship is over.
4. Trust issues
Not sure where your other half is half the time? They seem to get an awful lot of private messages that they don’t want you to see? Strange interactions with handsome guys on social media?
If you have a hard time trusting your partner then this is a serious red flag and a sign that the best of your relationship may be past.
If you regularly feel that your partner is betraying you, or that you think they are sleeping around, don’t waste your energy. It’s just not worth the emotional hassle of dealing with someone who is cheating on you.
Talking it out rarely helps. So when it comes to trust issues, call it a day and call it off…. You’ll be grateful you did it!
Now this is a tricky one… Jealousy can affect both sides of a relationship, and it can be hugely damaging.
Jealousy is a natural emotion, and if you have a good looking partner who attracts the attention of admirers, then it can be hard to just step back. This is where trust comes in though, so if you trust your partner, you should learn to relax and let them enjoy being sociable.
But equally, if you find yourself being jealous of your partner for a number of reasons, from their success to their popularity with the opposite sex, it might be a sign to look at your relationship.
Likewise, if your partner is jealous of you, and it is causing friction, this might also be a sign that your relationship is either on the rocks, or over.
Try to talk it out first.
Dealing with jealousy is also often a confidence factor, and something we need to address internally. Again though, if trust is an issue, then definitely move on…
6. Manipulation or violence
Both a lack of trust and jealousy can become an uglier beast, and one that is an unmistakable sign that a relationship is over.
Emotional manipulation and physical violence are both manifestations of the same thing: A willingness to control and dominate someone else.
One is obviously harder to spot than the other, but if you find yourself dodging plates or feeling like your actions cause an undue amount of stress, it might be a big sign to step back and look at the bigger picture.
No-one should be in a relationship that makes them feel fear or humiliation. Get out as soon as you can!
If you are in an abusive relationship and you don’t feel that you can’t leave, contact your local domestic violence support.
Domestic violence can happen to men and women, and can be both physical and mental. Getting support is a show of strength, so don’t feel like you need to suffer in silence….
7. You don’t like them any more
Probably the most obvious sign that your relationship is over, and one that can be so obvious it’s painful.
Some common signs that you don’t even like your partner might include:
- Bad mouthing them to your friends
- Finding them annoying
- Not wanting to go out with them or be seen with them
- Doing anything you can to avoid spending time with them
- Avoiding sex
- Purposely trying to annoy them
Although ‘not liking someone’ seems like an obvious sign, people can find themselves stuck in relationships with people they stopped loving long ago. Wether it’s because of a dependence, or a fear or being alone.
But as an unmissable sign that a relationship’s best days are done, it’s one that really should be acted on. For both of your sakes…
8. You are cheating, or trying to meet other people
If you already have someone on the side, or you’re actively looking for someone, whilst in a relationship… Well my friend, that’s one of the most obvious signs that your relationship is over.
Although we might dress this one up as ‘temptation’ or a wandering eye, the truth is that if you’re not focused on your relationship then it’s just going to cause issues later on.
It’s best to just suck it up and tell your partner that you need a break. Rather than breaking their heart.
9. Your life goals don’t align
It’s hard to admit it, but sometimes we just want different things from life.
A typical example of this is when someone chooses a job miles away. If a compromise can’t be reached, for example the relationship becomes long distance, this is a classic red flag.
Or if one of the people in the relationship wants to pursue a lifestyle that is incompatible with the others… Well, you need to face facts.
We all need to chase our own goals in life. And if they don’t align, this might be a classic sign that the relationship is over.
Some extra points to consider
There may be occasions when it’s worth making a stand and trying to rescue your relationship. In these instances, there are things you can do such as:
- Talking out your problems
- Seeing a counselor
- Taking some time apart
But if you feel it deep down, that the signs are there, then be the brave one and call it off….